| The following anomaly took place at the | | | | I may say so--Governor Bush |
| Governor's Manison in Tallahassee when | | | | |
| Governor Bush was screening "Dr. Strangelove" | | | | (stopping in mid breath) |
| for General Turgidson. The exchange may be | | | | |
| due in part to the fact that Governor Bush | | | | What did you just call me?Gen. Turgidson |
| was breathing through an inhaler at the | | | | |
| time.Governor Bush | | | | I'm sorry, sir-- Oh, why don't you just run |
| | | | for President, sir, and get it over with. |
| (muffled) | | | | Your brother even says you'd make a great |
| | | | president.Governor Bush |
| I keep telling you, General Turgidson, I'm | | | | |
| not the President.Gen. Turgidson | | | | (slowly, patiently) |
| | | | |
| I'm sorry, sir, it's just that you exude so | | | | And what have I been telling everybody |
| much authority I keep forgetting you're his | | | | including the press?Gen. Turgidson |
| kid brother.Governor Bush | | | | |
| | | | (looking sheepisly at the floor) |
| (muffled) | | | | |
| | | | That you don't want the job, sir.Governor |
| Stop trying to kiss up and get to the | | | | Bush |
| point.Gen. Turgidson | | | | |
| | | | That's right, and if I hear you call me that |
| Well, Governor, it looks like the Ruskies | | | | one more time, I'm going to demote you-- no, |
| aren't the ones we have to worry about | | | | I'm going to kick you out of the Florida |
| getting civilians into space first on | | | | National Guard and then you'll have to get a |
| regularly scheduled commercial | | | | real job and won't get anybody to salute you. |
| flights.Governor Bush pauses and turns to | | | | Do you understand?Gen. Turgidson |
| Turgidson with a sigh.Gen. Turgidson | | | | |
| | | | I do, sir, and I promise you that won't be |
| It's New Mexico!Governor Bush | | | | necessary.Governor Bush |
| | | | |
| (yanks the inhaler away) | | | | Good, now please tell me how big this |
| | | | spaceport gap is?Gen. Turgidson |
| What?!Gen. Turgidson | | | | |
| | | | Well, from what I can tell, sir, we still |
| I know. I found it hard to believe myself. | | | | have a chance. New Mexico is putting up $200 |
| They got that Limey, you know, the guy that | | | | million to build theirs from scratch in some |
| owns Virgin Airlines. What's his | | | | godforsaken desert or something. Seems these |
| name?Governor Bush | | | | things need a lot of space which kinda caught |
| | | | me by surprise. I mean, it's not like we're |
| Branson.Gen. Turgidson | | | | going to be launching them like rockets at |
| | | | Canaveral. Hell, they take off and land on a |
| Yeah, that guy. What is he, a lord or | | | | runway. I don't know, maybe those eggheads |
| something?Governor Bush | | | | know something I don't but if it's supposed |
| | | | to be so safe and regular, what the hell do |
| A knight.Gen. Turgidson | | | | they need all that space for? I thought |
| | | | they'd be sharing runways with MIA.Governor |
| Yeah, whatever. Seems he made a deal with | | | | Bush |
| New Mexico to build the first spaceport for | | | | |
| his Virgin Galatic. Talk about gall. Hell, | | | | Get to the point, General Turgidson, before |
| Florida should be the first place to do that! | | | | those New Mexicans finish building the damn |
| Not New Mexico, for crisesakes! When was the | | | | thing.Gen. Turgidson |
| last time they ever launched somebody into | | | | |
| outer space?Governor Bush | | | | Sorry, sir. Anyway, despite everything I've |
| | | | said, it ain't as bad as it looks.Governor |
| Where is New Mexico?Gen. Turgidson | | | | Bush rolls his eyes, shakes his head, and |
| | | | sighs.Gen. Turgidson |
| Hell, Mr. President-- I'm sorry-- Sir, I had | | | | |
| to look it up. It's next to Texas!Governor | | | | We already got a runway! 10,500 feet of |
| Bush | | | | poured concrete right out in the middle of |
| | | | the goddamn f***ing Everglades!Governor Bush |
| I thought I heard of it.Gen. Turgidson | | | | |
| | | | General Turgidson, must I remind you? This |
| Yeah, but that ain't the half of it. Texas | | | | is not the White House!Gen. Turgidson |
| is building a spaceport too!Governor Bush | | | | |
| | | | I'm sorry, sir. I'll keep that in mind. I'm |
| What?!Gen. Turgidson | | | | just so gaw...darn excited about what I |
| | | | discovered. The damn thing's been sitting |
| That's right, sir. They're building it on | | | | there since the 1970's. Seems Miami was going |
| some guy's ranch.Governor Bush | | | | to build a Jetport to accomodate the new SSTs |
| | | | that were coming. Because they were supposed |
| My brother's?Gen. Turgidson | | | | to be so fu--freaking loud, they built it way |
| | | | out in the Everglades so no one could hear it |
| No, some guy named... | | | | take off and land. It's 36-miles west of |
| | | | Miami, man-- I mean, sir! They got as far as |
| (whips out a notepad and starts reading from | | | | one single two-mile long runway before |
| it) | | | | Congress killed the SST and a bunch of tree |
| | | | huggers killed the plan. They still use it, |
| Bezos. Jeff Bezos. He co-founded Governor | | | | Mr.-- Sir. For emergencies and pilot |
| Bush | | | | training, you know, touch-and-goes.Governor |
| | | | Bush |
| You gotta be freaking kidding me?Gen. | | | | |
| Turgidson | | | | Are you trying to tell me in your own simple |
| | | | minded way that I don't have to ask for money |
| I wish I was, Mr.-- Governor. But it gets | | | | to build a runway?Gen. Turgidson |
| worse.Governor Bush | | | | |
| | | | Well, I'm not sayin' it won't cost |
| Should I be sitting down?Gen. Turgidson | | | | something-- maybe a few million dollars, ten |
| | | | tops. It doesn't have any lights and its got |
| You already are, sir.Governor Bush | | | | a critter problem.Governor Bush |
| | | | |
| (sighs) | | | | A critter problem"?Gen. Turgidson |
| | | | |
| Then go ahead. Let me have it.Gen. Turgidson | | | | Gators and the occasional deer get on the |
| | | | runway, but that can be rectified at little |
| Oklahoma is building one too.Governor Bush | | | | or no cost, sir, when you compare it to what |
| | | | those New Mexicans are going to have to shell |
| Oh, lord.Gen. Turgidson | | | | out. Hell, Governor, with a little TLC, we |
| | | | can be launching civies in no time. Beat |
| Do you know where that is, sir?Governor Bush | | | | those New Mexicans at their own game.Governor |
| | | | Bush |
| (wearily waving his hand) | | | | |
| | | | (pausing, staring into space) |
| Yes, yes, it's somewhere out west.Gen. | | | | |
| Turgidson | | | | I wonder how many mules it would take to get |
| | | | me and Columba's luggage out to their launch |
| (checking his notes) | | | | pad?General Turgidson is taken back. His eyes |
| | | | blink uncomprehendingly as Governor Bush |
| So is New Jersey, Nova Scotia, Scotland, and | | | | turns his chair slowly toward him.Governor |
| some place called Manus Island.Governor Bush | | | | Bush |
| | | | |
| Where the hell is that?Gen. Turgidson | | | | I'm joking.General Turgidson |
| | | | |
| Somewhere off of Papua New Guinea.Governor | | | | Oh, hey, and a very good one too, |
| Bush | | | | sir.Governor Bush |
| | | | |
| You mean to tell me headhunters got the jump | | | | General, before I leave office in January, I |
| on us?!Governor Bush grabs his inhaler, puts | | | | want that spaceport gap closed! Florida isn't |
| it over his nose and mouth, and takes a | | | | going to get bushwhacked by a bunch of New |
| really deep breath.Governor Bush | | | | Mexican Johnny-come-lately rocket jockies. |
| | | | Kennedy had nine years to get to the moon. |
| WHAWE | | | | I'm giving you five months. I want Columba |
| STA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AND?Gen. | | | | and me to leave office with a bang, on the |
| Turgidson | | | | first regularly scheduled civilian rocket |
| | | | flight in the world-- from Florida. Do I make |
| Excuse me, sir. I didn't quite catch | | | | myself clear?General Turgidson |
| that.Governor Bush | | | | |
| | | | (snapping to a salute) |
| (pulls the inhaler away) | | | | |
| | | | Yes, sir!D.C. Copeland is a writer and |
| I said WHERE DO WE STAND?Gen. Turgidson | | | | award-winning artist. When visiting |
| | | | Copeland's personal website and blog you |
| Well, sir, to put it bluntly, we have a | | | | will discover that Wayne Cochran is the |
| spaceport gap. We're working on it, but | | | | Patron Saint and that many people consider it |
| nothing is locked down yet. Mr. President, if | | | | to be "The Rodney Dangerfield of Blogs. |